Conversations with a toddler

I hand Jake a rich tea biscuit. He makes a dunking action with it, into an invisible cup of tea.

“Where’s my cuppa tea Mummy? For punkin?”


~

Jake asks me to please get the finger out for him. The big finger in Ni room. I go and see what he means. He points to a small Persian carpet my parents gave me a few years ago. One we rolled up and put away when he was a baby and spat up everywhere. I tell him it’s a carpet and ask him what he wants to do with it. “Want to dance on it,” he says. I smile because it’s the best reason I’ve heard yet to have a carpet. I lay it out for him and he dances across it saying, “Munch munch munch, munch munch munch. Come on Mummy, Come on Daddy, munch!” It takes a few minutes before I realise he’s marching.

~

Reading Winnie the Pooh. Pooh has gone to visit Rabbit and has eaten so much honey, he gets stuck on his way out of Rabbit’s burrow and has to be pulled out. “Pooh has to be pulled out!” I say to Jake. Jake says, “He done wee wee in pants?”

~

I’m eating soup. Jake runs up to me and says, “Mummy, have you wet your pants?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Yes, you have.”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Yes, you have.”
“No, I haven’t. I always own up when I wet my pants and this time, I really haven’t.”
“YES you have!! You wet your pants!!”

Sigh.