I’d decided that if we find good childcare, I’d go back to work. But on days like today, when I struggle to get basic things done and even wanting a minute amount of time to myself seems selfish and the alternative, of giving up the things that keep me sane, the drawings, the writing, seems to be the only solution to make everyone else happy, I think how much worse it will be if I have to work and commute too. I can’t be everything. So is it more important to be me, or fulfill the roles I’m needed for?
Ok, I admit I was feeling just a bit sorry for myself when I wrote this post. I know everyone struggles with such questions, and that zillions of parents go through this all the time and it's even worse for single parents or for people who've lost children or are living on the poverty line and I should just get over myself already! No one lives completely for themselves or completely for others. But it was how I was feeling at the time so I'm not going to delete it, even if I do cringe upon rereading it.