Jake asks me what's wrong and I tell him I have a headache.
He says, "Do you want some musics? Shall I get some musics for you, so you can dance?" He runs to the computer and somehow manages to open Spotify. We select some music and he starts dancing and I start dancing and hey presto, I feel better.
Jake tries to switch on a torch. It doesn't work.
"Mummy, it doesn't work. Can you fix it?"
"The batteries have run out Jake, we need to get new ones."
"The batteries have run out."
"Oh. Why doesn't it come home?"
When Paul gets home from work...
"Daddy, do you see your friends at work?"
"Well, no, Daddy doesn't really have friends at work."
"You have friends here. You have Jake and you have Mummy. You can see us and talk to us."
At bedtime the other night, Jake told us he loved us for the very first time.
"I like you Daddy. I love you."
"Awwwwww. I love you too Jake."
"I love you too. I love you Daddy. I love you Mummy. I love you, I love you, I love you very much, I love you."
And then a few seconds later he said, "I like to have a drink."
Oh and did you notice, he said it to Paul first!!!! There were tears (on my part) and I actually said, "But I gave birth to you and suckled you for 13 months!"
To which Jake replied, "suckle me".
Jake: Look Daddy, my dolly doesn't have hair.
Paul: That's right. She's had an operation.
Me: She's had an operation??
Me: What, like brain surgery?
Paul: Uh huh.
Me: And it hasn't grown back?
The door buzzer goes and I let in a man to read our electric meter. He's in and out the door in 30 seconds. After he goes Jake says, "Has he gone? Good. I didn't like him."
Paul: What are we gonna do for Jake's third birthday?
Me: Check ourselves into rehab?
After a long day, Paul collapses onto the sofa.
Paul: When's he gonna start looking after us?
Me: When we're collecting our pensions?
At which point Jake enters the room with a mop and bucket.
Jake: I cleaning the floor.
Me: There you go, he is looking after us. He even tried to do the washing up earlier.
Paul: I mean bringing us icecream and things.
Me: Would you like some icecream bringing in?
Paul: Oooh yes please, a mix of the icecream and the sorbet.
Paul puts some music on and starts telling me about Sufjan Stevens' latest gig.
"Apparently it had great reviews. Like a mix between a weird cult and a circus sideshow and Jesus Christ Superstar with wacky costumes and naked people doing yoga."
"Naked people doing yoga?"
"Yeah, apparently he had a weird background where he grew up in some sort of Amish commune and people did naked yoga."
"Amish naked yoga?"
"Are you sure about that, cos you don't normally hear Amish and naked yoga in the same sentence."
Shrug. All the while, Jake is busy standing on a stool, holding up a mop, trying to reach the cobwebs. Still cleaning. I go fetch icecream and sorbet.
From the kitchen, over loud music...
Me: Paul? Does Jake like the sorbet?
Me: DOES JAKE LIKE THE SORBET?
Paul: NO THANKS, I DON'T FANCY CAKE.
Looks like Jake may have to start looking after us sooner than we thought.