Wednesday, May 26, 2010

26.5.10 ~ a bad Mummy moment (100-ish word diary)

I had a bad Mummy moment today. It was a long moment. I’d just brought Jake home from nursery followed by playground followed by a long “walk” towards the marshes and back. He was very tired but hadn't fallen asleep in his pushchair like I'd hoped. I picked him up and he screamed to be put down. He ran off, tripped, fell and cried that unmistakeable I’ve-really-hurt-myself-cry. I found him on the floor of the kitchen, blood pouring from his mouth. He’d cut his lip and his gum. He screamed when I tried to dab it with a cool wet flannel. He screamed when I tried to cuddle him. He screamed when I stepped away. I lost it and screamed back. Then I remembered that I do this too often. Shout at him when he’s tired or upset. Usually because I’m tired and upset, but what kind of excuse is that? He’s not yet 2 and I’m 39. I’m the one who should know better.

I asked him to come with me to the bathroom so I could wash his face. He refused. I asked him to at least wash his hands. He usually loves washing his hands. He said NO! I looked at him and said “NO??” He looked back and stuck his hands in the bin. He knows he’s not supposed to do it. So I grabbed the rubbish out of his hands and put the bin out of his reach, prompting more screaming. I walked away. I didn’t want to shout at him anymore. He came after me wailing, clutching the flannel he’d grabbed from me earlier, dabbing his face and nose with it. I decided to do nothing for a while. I sat on the floor and waited for him to come to me. I was afraid of doing the wrong thing. When he calmed down, I looked him the eye and told him I was sorry. Then I held out my arms and he came and let me hold him. His lip is still swollen, but I think he’s forgiven me.


Kelloggsville said...

*sigh* - it happens - and probably to the best mummies as well as the worst mummies (I suspect most of us are inbetween). The best thing is tomorrow you get to do the day all over again and it could be a really fun one (or another shouty one - 'cos they happen !)

I bank on a 1 in 4 experience, 4 good ones for every bad and you are winning. If your ratio is better than that then you are really building a great relationship. Don't beat yourself up over it, being the 39 year old is hard sometimes xxxx

affectioknit said...

awww...bless you both...