Yesterday while going through photos from my phone, Jake saw some of himself in hospital. I explained to him what they were. Some of them still make me wince. Took me back to the moment as if it were still a solid place. I put my arms around him but he pushed them away. Photos of buildings, light and Stevenson House came up in between. And I remembered how open I felt, involuntarily so. So open I felt exposed, as if I was being watched. The physicality of the world loud and vivid even in the moments in between. I felt I slept even with eyes open and eyes open on me. Just remembering it made me want to crawl under a blanket and sleep through the rest of winter. But Jake kept asking to see them, over and over again. “V hurting there, but Jake fine now,” he said.