Wednesday, July 07, 2010

7.7.10 ~ 300 word diary (on sadness and denizens)

Recent Jake moments:

Jake pointing at a self-portrait I painted a few years ago and saying Mummy!

Paul & Jake playing dressing up Teddy. Jake brought his shoes to put on Teddy. Teddy has rather large feet so Paul said, I’m not sure these will fit him Jake. Jake said, Try!

Jake waking up in the middle of the night, saying Mummy, bed. Then climbing onto the bed and snuggling up to me.

I’m tired today, what with the waking up in the middle of the night and all the crying during counselling. I’m feeling sad. And I just want to sit and be sad for a little while and not rush to explain why or do anything to make it go away. We rarely get to do this. In our culture, if you tell someone you’re sad, the response you usually get is someone telling you not to be, to cheer up or trying to get you to do something to stop feeling sad. Usually it’s because of a general societal discomfort with sadness, an unacceptability about any “negative” emotion. When we’re asked how we are or we ask others how they are, do we really want to say or know the truth? Why does being authentic about our emotions take a backseat to being polite?

Today I discovered this online magazine. I never even knew there was a phrase for someone who grew up the way I did. Phrase as opposed to label as I’m trying to resist labels. While I don’t believe that “Third Culture Kids” are uniquely or the only people equipped to live in or lead our increasingly globalised world, it is a comfort to me, to read the stories on the site. A sense of receiving a long longed-for recognition. And maybe a voice.


Anonymous said...

Totally agree - sometimes 'sad' is how you feel and it's the *right* thing to feel at that time. It's not always valid to try and 'snap out of it'. I'm sorry you're feeling sad right now and I hope you get the chance to live it without having to put on false cheeriness. I also hope you come out the other side before too long, because nobody deserves to be sad all the time. Most of us seem to be wired to have happier days as well as sad days - sometimes without any material changes in our circumstances to explain it! In any case I hope you get a good night's sleep. x

affectioknit said...

Those little words are so sweet!